I hate waiting.

There, now I've said it. I like to have a plan and stick to it. In preparation for any trip or project, you can guarantee that I have made a checklist and a schedule...at least in my head if not on paper. In highschool and early on in college I used to get extremely annoyed when someone was running late or threw a complication into "my plan." After a few loving rebukes, I have since tried to be more flexible. Even so, I just don't like to be flexible. I like my own way better. I hate waiting - in everyday life and in my relationship with the Lord. Except God is obviously not obligated to follow "Jen's Checklist for How She Wants Her Life to Work Out."

I'm just going to be honest right now. This week has been a struggle. I'm having to let go of some of my dreams and surrender a few steps in my "plan" to the Lord. In my soul there is a deep restlessness. I feel like God has given me these intense passions only to let them lie dormant. I am waiting. Desperation for a life filled with His purpose consumes me. I just don't know what that purpose is specifically. I am learning to be satisfied in Him through the waiting, to be content even when I'm not where I want to be, and to be patient in waiting for His vision.

"For still, the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end - it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay." -Habbakuk 2:3

...From here?

Spinning, my head is spinning
With so much on my mind
My heart has a deep yearning
But for what, I cannot find

Here, for a season, for a time
Yet I’m eager to move on today
I want adventure, not routine
Some days I just want to run away

I feel You pulling me toward something
But when will Your revelation be near?
What is it that You ask of me now
Where are You leading me from here

…From here?

Something invisible compels me
In my mind there is restlessness
I must know, Lord, I must know
I do not want to wander aimless

I know you have a purpose
For the passion bursting from my veins
What You have started in me
Will be completed, not in vain

I feel You pulling me towards silence
So that Your voice I can hear
Your servants waits on you now
Where are You leading me from here

…From here?